My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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