did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
