What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
