I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You can't just leave with hair like that
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
