3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
