Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
