It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
