i would punch a child for taco bell
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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