she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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