I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
