i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
