I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
