I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
