his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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