If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
