I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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