Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
