I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
