I cockslap morals
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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