Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
