I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
