His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
