remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm like, not good at living.
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