3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
