Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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