Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
