I CAN MOONWALK!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's the barista slut.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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