He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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