Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
