fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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