I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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