her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
