I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
