Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
