By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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