Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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