Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
