so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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