I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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