haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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