OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
