this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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