Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
