Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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