watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Bring me that man meat
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
