Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
