Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
