Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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