either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
