Betty ford says i'm here all night
my shit smells like andre
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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