you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
