ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
