see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
