is your mom at the bar?
This is not my ceiling
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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