u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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