She went from zero to smokin in five shots
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
