remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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