so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
