While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
