Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
