last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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