Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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