God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
