I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
