Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
