guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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