i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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