For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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