Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
