sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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