any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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