mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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