i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
